11 Month Old Baby – Going strong…

It has been SO long since I last updated this blog. Ben is now 11 months old and doing great!

I just read over this last post and giggled to myself when I read about Ben being the littlest baby out of the 15 babies in our antenatal group. He was born about 4 weeks early, so we knew to expect a slower start for him. We look back on photos of when he was young and he just looked like an old man – all skin and bone and wrinkles. But by about 5 months old he had totally caught up, and even over-took most of the babies in the group. He’s come along way. Now he’s one of the biggest in the group with lots of lovely rolley polley chubby bubby bits. He is tall for his age too…

He has been meeting all his milestones. Even though he is only technically 10 months old (considering he was slightly premmie) he is meeting his 11 month milestones (or beyond) and on the 75th percentile growth range for his non adjusted age. So doing great!

The latest thing is… he is walking behind a push toy (he calls his ‘car’) and getting faster by the day. He’s hilarious – he will crawl (at quite a pace) up to his toy saying ‘car’, then pull himself up to it and start to walk. He is so proud and so absolutely delighted he is actually walking himself he starts to giggle, squealing in delight. He laughs so hard he sometimes falls over, then picks himself up and goes for it, getting faster and faster until he bangs into something, at which time he looks hopefully around for who is going to rescue him, and spin him around for his next go.

I’m still breastfeeding him – no formula. He loves the boobie!! He will actually call out from his cot ‘mummmm booba’. I’ve created a boobie monster . Obviously my milk supply eventually came in and stayed in after a shaky and difficult start breast feeding. As a wee baby he had to have formula top-ups as he was underweight etc. so he took a bottle fine, but we left it too long once he stopped the top-ups and he now refuses a bottle or formula. Anyway, with a bottle he chews on the teat like it is some kind of new teething device, playing with it, and isn’t keen on formula even if feed with a cup. Dummy is the same- just seen as a play thing for him. He’s only interested in a dummy if some other baby has one… then it’s fun to try to steal it.

(In a way I don’t mind that he doesn’t like formula as the smell of it brings back horrible memories of being sleep deprived and feeling isolated and alone when I was in hospital with him.)

‘Boob’ was the first word he said. Due to me asking if he wanted a boobie far too many times a day I guess, but we did demand feeding and I guess he demanded it a lot. It’s now referred to as ‘booba’. Dadda, Mumma are favourite words of course. He recognises and screams excitedly at ‘Dadda’ by his name, and sometimes yells ‘Mumma’ while flaying his arms about flustered when it’s me he wants and Dadda turns up.

Remotes and phones are his favourite toys (not really allowed them of course which makes them all the more appealing for him). He’s into saying ‘ta’ in order to get something he wants at the moment, so that’s very cute having manners already. He loves his food, although does struggle with the savoury flavours at times – it can be a battle of wills. Anything fruity though is always a winner. Strawberries are his favourite fruit at the moment, but banana, blueberries and nectarines are up there too…

So I could go on forever about all his crazy antics… there are new things every day. My Mum seems to teach him things easily. He responds amazingly to her and she is like his favourite play mate. She can just look at him and he’ll start laughing hysterically. He loves his nana like no other!! She taught him to clap his hands, put his hands up when she says ‘up high’ etc. We can take credit for teaching him to jump and dance (although we might not really want to associate ourselves with the dancing one especially as he gets older).

Every day at the moment he seems to be doing something amazing, whether it is repeating a word verbatim to our astonishment, or recognising where mr cow is in his room, or pointing out where the light is, or managing to push out a wee or poo etc on cue. We are stunned by how much he understands even if he can’t communicate with words so much yet.

So our wee Ben is getting bigger by the day. He’s a happy little man, who loves mummy and daddy, gives us kisses and cuddles, and lays down in his cot when we tell him to. He he… if only he would sleep as easily.

That has been one difficultly I guess, as he’s never been a great sleeper and all these other people seem to have babies who sleep through the night and yet Ben is now 11 months old and has never slept through.

We are just so grateful to have him in our lives, and maybe it’s because of what we’ve been through in the past, with losing our first little girl, or maybe it was those 4 or 5 months of bed rest while I was pregnant with him, not knowing how things would turn out… I just have always struggled to be able to just leave him to cry as so many others seem to need to do in order to get their babies to learn to sleep by themselves and not rely on an aid (in Ben’s case, Mummy’s boobie).

I haven’t had a full nights’ sleep in 11 months but I guess I’ve learnt to adapt as I still function somehow. It’s better than it used to be, but on average he is awake 1-3 times a night. I go through patches where he wakes every ½ hour or 1 hour and those are challenging nights. Perhaps though those wee teeth are to blame at times. (He has 4 up the top and 2 down the bottom at the moment).

Anyway, I had better go take myself off to bed before my wee man is ready to wake up again… Happy 2012!!

Baby’s Firsts…

Our wee boy is 5 1/2 weeks old now. Where has the time gone? Well at least I know I’m not wasting all that time sleeping anymore I am averaging 3-4 hours sleep in a 24 hour period. I am amazed I can actually function. Especially when he went through a cluster feeding stage. I read it normally lasts for 2-4 days but it lasted 12 days for me. I’m talking him wanting to feed every 1/2 hour to an hour – max 2 hours. And the lactation consultant at the hospital wanted me to be expressing in between feeds and topping him up… ummmm – like when? what time did I have?

Feeding is going well in one sense… but one breast is really sore still which is bizarre. He must just not latch properly, but it looks like he has. Man it hurts, and I thought by this stage it would have eased up. I’ve tried just expressing off that breast if it gets really bad and feeding him a bottle and nipple shields but it still hurts with shields too, although not quite so bad. If it would just not hurt I would be absolutely sweet but as it is there is a little bit of dread when I have to feed from that breast, which I am not enjoying.

I am looking forward to having Ben weighed again on Wednesday to check out how much weight he has gained. Last visit from the midwife showed he’d gained well. It took him 3 1/2 weeks to get back to his birth weight but we expect it to take longer because he was slightly premmie, and we have weened him completely off formula and totally onto 100% breast milk despite the issues with my breast milk taking a while to come in. He still looks like the smallest baby in the antenatal group but he’ll get there… Other babies are just so round in comparison. He is longer and skinnier, but very alert and cute (of course).

We went to a parenting class on Thursday which was good. We discovered we’d been doing it all wrong! ha! Well actually we did pick up some good pointers and realise now that bubs is better to go feed, wind, play, sleep rather than the random stuff we’d been doing feed, sleep, play (scream), feed, wee on his parents, sleep, scream, fart, poo, feed, sleep, scream… We have been giving bubs so many cuddles and are going to try not having him go to sleep on us, then attempt to transfer him into his cot without waking him and instead putting him straight down to sleep in his cot once he is settled. Ben screamed alot at the ‘baby and you’ course but it was reassuring when we walked in and half the class’s baby’s were screaming too. Phew!! Was reassuring to know others babies were just as unpredictable.

I am getting pretty sick of all the unasked for advice and observations we are getting constantly. One of the main ones is ‘I think the baby is hungry’ which really gets to me especially when I know he’s just been feed, or ‘he’s too hot’ or ‘he’s too cold’ or ‘he needs to be wrapped’…. ahh! I know I am meant to just ignore it but I just can’t help but take it personally. I know I shouldn’t be, but I hear ‘you’re not being a good mum’. Probably just my insecurity as I don’t really know what I’m doing but just feeling my way, and I hate being told what to do, so defensive because of it.

Anyway today there was quite a few baby’s firsts…

1. Baby’s First Cold
Our poor wee man seems to have a cold. He has a snuffly nose – is sneezing and coughing and seems to have a problem breathing out of his nose sometimes. Thankfully he is still quite happy and content though and feeding and sleeping well.

2. Baby’s first Dr’s visit
Oh… he was so cute. He just lay there in his Daddy’s arms contentedly as the Dr listened to his chest, looked at his ears and checked him out. OK so there was a bit of a scream when she tried to look down his throat but generally he was pretty good.

3. Baby’s first explosive poo
Seriously this was one of those poos that leaked out of his nappies and went through all the layers of clothes he had, and got all over him and me. It was the lovely yellow brown runny type.

4. Baby’s first smile
My Mum has had a couple in the past (non wind smiles that is) and finally today I got a couple. OK one instance he smiled as he peed all over me, so I’m not sure if he was smiling at me or if it was just the relief, or perhaps he just found the whole thing was funny.

3 weeks of madness

Well our little boy Ben is 3 weeks old today. Unbelievable!?*

Ben spent 5 days in NICU after he was first born and then he roomed with me for the next 5 or 6 days in hospital before we were allowed home. So a total of 10 or 11 days in hospital meant I was so incredibly happy to get home. I must admit the hospital stay was OK  but very difficult and I certainly seemed to get the baby blues on day 5 and day 7 or 8. I seriously was thinking ‘what have we done’ and ‘I don’t know if I can do this’ – crazy stuff after we have battled for so many years to try to get this little bubs. I think I was just beside myself having had barely 2 hours sleep in about a 36 hour period – sleep deprivision is such torture. There were moments where I felt like I couldn’t cope and was completely overwhelmed by everything. It didn’t help that Roger got a tummy bug the day after Ben was born and he wasn’t able to visit us for about 4 days. There were midwives of course in hospital that were there to help but that really only meant they were there for his top up feeds to push the formula or breast milk down his nasal gastric tube. The rest was up to me.

It also didn’t help that I reacted to an anti-nausea drug while I was in hospital and I thought I’d had a stroke because I couldn’t speak properly, my face swelled up and I was a complete space cadet. Also a stupid Dr gave me an antihistamine which apparently is well known to slow down milk production, so the breast milk that had started to come in was stopped. Quite a major set back.

Anyway, Ben has been doing really well since we’ve been home. I’ve coped heaps better with the help of Roger and my Mum. He cries alot and feeds alot and poos alot and sleeps alot. But we are enjoying him Despite the sleepless nights

Will update again soon – off to bed so I can be woken up in about half an hour for another round of the same thing, nappy change, feed, sleep (hopefully)

He’s here!! Arrival of bubs…

It’s been a while since I’ve updated this blog because I’ve been busy with our baby. aah!! can you believe it?

This will just be a quick update as I have NO free time

I went into early stages of labour on Friday (just sore back and period like abdominal pain) expecting them to send me home again or admit me for observation, they decided to do the c-section there and then. No time to think about it or worry about it. My cervix was changing and they didn’t want to risk any damage being done with the cerclage still there.

So off we went to theatre… they said we’re going to do it now and you should have your baby in half an hour… what!?!?!

Everything went really smoothly in the theatre, and bubs came out sounding a bit like a duck…. wha wha wha wha wha… so cute!! He settled as soon as Roger held him… so lovely.

After a little while he was doing grunting noises, which indicates he’s having difficulties breathing so had to go to NICU and with the help of c-pap, a respirator that aided his breathing he’s now doing fine. He’s been in NICU for the past 5 days but now spending the first night with me tonight. So he’s doing really well!! I’m still in hospital of course but it is still a bit scary to know he will be just with me all night.

He’s just the cutest thing ever…

Will write more later, but all is good and we have our wee little man now. Oh, and he was born at 36 weeks, 3 days and was 6pound 10oz or 3010grams. Pretty good size for his gestation. Oh, and 53cm?? I think. He’s long!! We came up with a name, but I was on such a cocktail of drugs I was hoping I wouldn’t change my mind when I sobered up. But I still like the name so very pleased.

I won’t lie… the first few days have been amazing and I’ve been feeling great, but the last couple have been a struggle with being really tired, but still all great at the same time.

Well, I’d better go get some sleep but I suspect our wee man is waking 2 hours earlier than he should and might need me very soon.

7 pound baby at 36 weeks

Just a quick update…

Our hospital appointment went really well today. I must say I have been feeling really good today… my body feels alot better and moving about isn’t as sore as it can sometimes be. There even seems to be less pressure feeling pushing down. Not sure if it is coincidental or that the little bits of increased walking is helping my body get in shape again. And emotionally I am feeling good too… just so happy to have made it so far I think.

So our bubs is back up to the 90 percentile growth range again. Seems the last scan may have been an ‘error’ as they put it. After having another ultrasound to measure the growth of our baby they estimate he is about 7lb or 3.175kg at 36 weeks, 2 days pregnant. Pretty big it seems, but of course these ultrasounds can apparently be off by 1.5 pounds, so we won’t really know until he is born.

We discussed some more details about the cesarean again, but all good stuff. I get to stop my progesterone pessaries as of today, and stop taking my aspirin too. And I’ve just run out of folic acid so they said to stop that now anyway. Will be nice not to jingle with pills so much.

While I was at reception I ran into the clinic physio - she was surprised to see me still in one piece which was amusing. While she was oohhing and aahhing about me still being pregnant the Dr walked past and referred to me as ‘their success story’. That was nice to hear.

Anyway, better go… getting more braxton hicks or tightenings tonight than I’ve had so I’d better go to bed I think. Still feeling fine though…

Changing size in pregnancy, week 36, stretch marks & shopping

The ever-changing shape of pregnancy. Week 28, Week 32, Week 36

I decided to post a photo showing my changing shape over the last 8 weeks / couple of months. I must say it is becoming increasingly difficult to walk, or even waddle, but I guess my body is still struggling due to the 17 weeks of bed rest. It’s quite amusing when people try to help me up from a laying down or sitting position… I see them almost lose their footing and come close to being pulled over. Roger is always amused at how long it takes me to roll over in bed… it used to be almost instant and now it takes quite some time.

I found my first stretch marks… ahhh!! And of all places they are on my boobs!? What’s with that? I have been putting some stretch mark oil on my tummy when I remember (but not every day) but for some reason I’d forgotten about my boobs. I remembered in my last pregnancy I put it everywhere… tummy, boobs, butt, hips, thighs and didn’t get any stretch marks. I know sometimes it is irrelevant whether cream or oil is used or not, and some will get stretch marks and others won’t. To be honest I am really surprised – if I was going to get stretch marks they are not on my super sized stomach. My boobs are looking smaller by the day as my tummy increases to expand. Oh well, so be it… I’m not too concerned about it, and can always get the bio-oil out to rectify at some point in the future. If I had to choose I’d rather have a wee boy in our lives to look after and a few stretch marks rather than the other way around!

I was having a bit of a low day when I posted last time, but pleased to report I am feeling way better again now. I wasn’t the only one as lots of others in the online ’bed rest club’ I belong to were experiencing a rough day too. Not sure what the story was, but I did notice there were a few that went into labour the next day so that wasn’t so good!

We managed to get out of the house for a couple of hours yesterday which was great. We are still deciding on the furniture / drawers we should buy for the baby’s room but much closer to making a decision now. We are such procrastinators.

Quite funny how complete strangers spark up conversations when you are pregnant. It’s like a secret club… A girl in the furniture shop (another customer) saw me and struck up a conversation about when was I due, and what were we having etc. etc. She’d just had a baby 8 months ago. I guess this is normal but because I have been so out of touch with the real world for so long it was quite amusing, but quite nice at the same time.

We also went to look at pram options. That was pretty overwhelming! I really liked a really small compact stroller type one that had a bassinet option to clip onto it, or a stroller option. But since Roger and I are rather different in size what would suit me isn’t necessary going to work for him, so might have to re-think that one. I do really like the idea of having a set of wheels that fits the car capsule, bassinet and regular pram option, but they are all slightly bigger and heavier. We are completely stumped still, but don’t need this sorted on day one. And since I’m having a c-section I won’t be able to drive for a while anyway (and will probably be too scared to go out for a bit).

Speaking of cesareans, I read the brochure the hospital gave us detailing what to expect with a c-section and I can’t say I’m looking forward to it. I’ve had one before of course and that was a bit nastier than the usual ones, so I’m not expecting it to be as bad. Last post I felt really good about c-section vs natural, but now I’m not so sure. Of course I don’t have a say in the matter, and it is what I have been advised so I am having a c-section whether I like it or not. I guess no one ever looks forward to surgery, but at least we are hopeful we may have something amazing as a result.

Well I’d better get back to my online shopping. Bed rest and baby might have created an online shopping monster!! I never liked shopping, let alone online shopping, but now I’m really starting to get into it…. watch out credit card!

35.5 weeks pregnant, bed rest & feeling low

So I guess the good news is I am now 35.5 weeks pregnant! That’s pretty impressive if I do say so myself. Trouble is, I am feeling really low for some reason.

I got out of the house on Wednesday evening – caught up with my antenatal group which was really nice. It was amusing to see everyone’s bumps had grown and all were looking lovely! And great getting catch up with everyone and chat about what whales we are now. The host of the antenatal group had reserved a reclining type chair for me so I didn’t have to sit for the entire time. Bubs was really active the whole time so I wonder if he was just so not used to having so much noise around with all the girls talking. About 11 of the 15 girls turned up (plus the host) so it was a full house almost. Some of the guys came along too, and they went to the pub for a drink while we had our girly catch up… nice for some Actually it’s good if they can do that… get to know each other so it’s not just the girls that socialise.

So they sent through a photo that was taken of us all and OMG!  I just look hideous. I don’t know-everyone around me looks so glowing and lovely and I look terrible. Roger tells me it is just that I have a group that has alot of girls that are super skinny and all they are is normal with a bump, apart from 1 or 2. He tells me I don’t look hideous (like I feel) which is nice, but I also know what I see. I’m not sure if it is all this bed rest that has taken a toll on my self-esteem or what? I know it is so shallow to worry about it, but I guess I am just feeling a bit ‘blah’ all round. I look so short and dumpy – I don’t mind the bump at all, but it’s just the rest of me.  My face… my hair is awful – being on bed rest not wanting to sit in a chair for hours (and avoiding chemicals in early pregnancy) means my normal blonde highlights have been growing out for so long now, and it’s not pretty. No hair cut either means my hair also looks limp and blah. Also, because of bed rest I haven’t been out shopping to accommodate my expanding shape means I have a very limited wardrobe, and the things I do have seem washed up and blah. I’m also a bit annoyed at myself for not having done more… there are still major gaps in what we need for bubs (and me in terms of appropriate breast feeding clothes) so I need to do some more online shopping today, and get over all the procrastination.

I did manage to get my neighbours cleaner to come over yesterday and am going to book them in to do a spring clean of the entire house in just over a week. My Mum thought I might be going to go into labour yesterday as I got her to help me clean out all my drawers and wash up some of the new born clothes. She said she got in a cleaning frenzy prior to going into labour, and I did have a few intense tightenings /contractions yesterday, but nothing regular.

Yesterday morning it became apparent that my Uncle, my (late) Dad’s best friend and brother is at a point of no return. He is so sick there is nothing anyone can do and it seems it is a matter of days / weeks he has to live, rather than months. I just feel so helpless and sad about it as I know he would just hate to go through (and have his family see him going through) this struggle right now. He keeps saying my Dad had the right idea dying suddenly of a heart attack. I know – he’s right. It’s just not fair! I haven’t seen him since I was 18 weeks pregnant, so 17 weeks or about 4 months. And I’m not likely to see him again. They live about 45 minutes drive away and part of me doesn’t know whether I would cope just with seeing him either. Part of me feels like I should make an exception and go see him while he is still alive, and the other part of me is the car ride down there, and what I’ll be faced with when I get there… I’m scared I will be a mess and upset myself so much I’ll go into labour, and I’ll have a last memory of him that isn’t how I want to remember him.

Anyway, hopefully this feeling will ease up soon and I’ll start to feel better. Mum and Roger have continued to be a great support. I know it’s not fair on Roger to be a sad sack… he has enough going on especially at work, and I shouldn’t feel like this, but can’t help but feel envious that he gets to leave the house every day and meet up with people, go to meetings, to lunch (even though it’s work stuff) and have that freedom. It’s like I am stuck at home watching others live their lives, and I don’t get to live one. I should change the record as it’s nothing new to have those feelings when on bed rest, and I know I’m not as restricted as I once was but the problem is I can’t handle doing much anyway, and can’t drive etc. so still no independence. I know it’s just the way it is and it will be worth it, so I understand why I should think about the positives but at the moment I just can’t. I’ve made 16.5 weeks of bedrest, and another approximate 3 weeks is nothing in comparison.

What a negative post this is. Oh well, better out than in and hopefully this feeling will pass at some point soon. I realise how absolutely lucky I am to be this pregnant still and wish I could just celebrate that feeling and feel good in myself about it, but for some reason the flat feeling is stronger for me at the moment.