Hoping not to have a Christmas baby

Our wee man at 25 weeks gestation (over 6 weeks ago)

It’s Christmas Eve today. Our Christmas wish this year is not to get to meet our baby for Christmas – we’re hoping he will stay in and have Christmas inside my tummy… it’s looking more and more likely we’ll get our wish and that’s all we can ask for.

My hospital appointment went well on Tuesday. I must say though – what a wait! It still managed to take about 2 hours for the appointment even though we only saw one Dr. We wait in the atrium rather than the normal waiting area so I get to lie down on a couch and read while we wait. Must say though, because of all the hot weather, the atrium can be a bit stifling hot… but have found a well placed sofa that gets a little breeze from the air conditioning vent. I did get the evil eye from a staff member as I have seen her that couch many times, and now I know why… it’s the coolest place in the atrium. Anyway…

The Dr’s are just so happy that I have made it this far I think. I talked to the Dr about all my symptoms I’ve been having but they are all very general normal pregnancy symptoms so nothing to be concerned about. I’ve just never been this far along (31 weeks, 3 days now) so I guess I am to expect to experience all these weird and wonderful new things. The sore tummy button, sore tummy and more intense, gripping braxton hicks. No scan though this week – just measured my tummy which was bang on normal, and listened to our little mans heart beat which still sounded like a horse trotting along. Because of the holidays our next appointment will be in 3 1/2 weeks time, for a growth scan to see how bubs is doing, and a check for me. That will be 34 1/2 weeks gestation… our target is 34.  Would be great to make it to that appointment.

On Wednesday night I woke at 2.30 in the morning  and went for just one of the usual loo stop during the night. When I got back to bed I felt quite a bit of pressure bearing down, had a sore achy lower back and lower abdomen, a slightly sore groin area and I felt nauseous. I must say I was thinking to myself I have been just too complacent that I will make it further just because I am 31 weeks, and now I am going to be taught a lesson to never make assumptions… It seemed a little similar to the beginning stages of when I went into early labour with our wee girl last year. I had some water and reflux medicine and Roger stayed awake with me until the symptoms eased up and I dropped to sleep again. If the pain had intensified or it had gone on for too long I would have gone to the hospital, but thankfully it was only 1 hour of discomfort and then all was fine again.

The next night (once again while trying to sleep) I felt a pulling sensation really low down inside, and I guess I can’t help but wonder if perhaps my cervix is trying to open and there is some resistance because of my cerclage. Who knows… might just be random and not related, but each time I turned over I would feel this sensation that just seems so in line with my cervical stitch being pulled. Once again, by the morning everything seems fine again so perhaps it is just coincidental.

Apart from that though, I’ve been feeling fine. A bit tired, but who isn’t during pregnancy. Still am being so well looked after by Roger who continues to be amazing, and my Mum who is up here from Tuesdays – Fridays each week, and Rogers Mum who is normally here on Mondays. Everyone is doing their best to give this precious little boy a great start in life and the chance to stay inside me as long as possible. And of course other friends, family and neighbours who are always offering to help out in any way they can. Not that we take them up on the offers, but still it’s just nice to know we have good support if we need it.

I have been having crazy dreams. Had repetitive ones that used to be about me being in the middle of the Coromandel on holiday and then realising I was on bed rest and the only way to get back to the bach was to ride a bike and freaking out whether that would bring on labour. I’ve progressed to dreams about having a baby and completely forgetting to feed him or her (sometimes I have a girl). It’s pretty stressful in my dream realising the baby has been born a day or two ago and I still haven’t fed him or her once, and I go into panic mode, trying to find my baby and feed it. The last baby dream was I’d just had our baby, and he was pretty big. The first time I saw him he was in a high chair fully dressed and about a year old (even though in my dream he was just born) and smiling at me with his big blue eyes. I must say he looked like he was my cousin’s 1 year old boy, but with blue eyes… couldn’t help thinking he looked heaps like her husband… ha! (the ivf clinic would have a thing or two to answer if that was the case). But now my latest dream is about me being really fat. (this one might be closer to the truth than the other dreams). It’s pretty concerning and I am regretting eating all those ice creams and chips and chocolate bars. I guess it is reflecting what’s going through my mind right now. I have had a few things that I put on to wear (skirts, dresses and underwear) and they don’t fit anymore. I am really a bit shocked that they seemed so large and I never though I would ever outgrow them and now I have… what the? I’ve now put on about 8kg and it is just fat depositing everywhere now, not just my stomach!! Waddle waddle…

I am starting to worry a little that we haven’t got ANYTHING ready for the arrival of a baby. We always said we’d wait until after Christmas, but now I am starting to freak out that if a baby did come along we wouldn’t be prepared for him – we wouldn’t know what we are doing with him, and we have nothing ready – no clothes, nappies, equipment at all. I guess we know he would be in NICU for a bit so that would give us time to get things sorted, but still. And at the same time my Mum told me she had bought something for the baby to come home in the other day and I just freaked out, not wanting anything bought for him right now just incase. And my niece offered to drop her baby’s pram off here so we could see it and check whether we were interested in buying it from her, but I just couldn’t do it. I told her I knew it completely made sense and was logical, but I simply couldn’t face it. I couldn’t handle the thought of a pram sitting downstairs right now, just incase once again we are caught out with making assumptions we are going to have a live baby again. So I have a few conflicting thoughts at the moment. I am trying to read books about what to expect once the baby is born but I am feeling pretty overwhelmed by it all and just don’t have a very good attention span for taking much in at a time. Hopefully I will manage to get into it a bit more as time goes on.

Oh, and we might have a new contender for a name… that will be exciting if we both continue to like it!!

Well, better go – Christmas day tomorrow. Will be like none other we have ever had. Our lovely neighbour is going to deliver us Christmas brunch so we are lucky to have such a thoughtful person next door. It will give Roger a break too, since he hasn’t allowed me to get up to prepare any food at all ever since I’ve been on bed rest.

Have a fantastic Christmas day to whoever is reading this!! May the bubbas in our tummy enjoy their first Christmases in utero!

Made it to the 3rd trimester

28 Weeks! Very happy to get this far, but still eager to just keep on holding on for a while longer yet. Still keeping up the progesterone pessaries, drinking loads of water, eating lots of fish, keeping a fairly healthy diet (well apart from the odd ice cream, chocolate or pack of chips) and as long as that stitch of mine can keep holding I might go for a while yet?

We had our hospital appointment last Thursday and our Dr was quite optimistic for a change. She said I could go on for a while longer if things continue to hold where they are. (Get us to week 34 I am thinking and we’ll be happy).  But that was a turn up for the books… her comments are often more worrisome – she is often more cautious about what she says, preparing us I guess for if I go into labour soon.

She asked me if I wanted to be brave (which I didn’t understand at first- was she meaning being brave by having a scan or not having a scan. She meant not having one). But I did decide to have a cervical length scan once again just to keep my paranoia in check. The Dr said she was more than happy to give me a scan if I wanted one but it wasn’t clinically necessary as she doubted it is going to give us any new conclusions. She was right. It showed no change – a cervical length of 6mm which still isn’t ideal in this stage of pregnancy but at least it is still there… better than an open cervix.

She also did a quick scan on our wee man and he was showing off his jingly jangles big time!! Took me a while to see what the Dr and Roger were making such a fuss about as I was on a weird angle to the monitor but eventually saw what they were going on about. At least we are in no doubt that we are definitely having a boy. He has plenty of fluid to roam about in still which is a good sign, and seems to be getting bigger, but we will know more next Thursday.

Since our Dr is back in the UK for 10 days she suggested we just see a midwife in one weeks time, then see her the following week, but after discussing it Roger and I decided we would be more than comfortable to just flag the visit to the midwife (since there is not a lot she will do anyway) and just visit the Dr when she is back. So 2 weeks between an appointment which is the first time in months. We’ve been on at least weekly appointments since 19 weeks. So that’s progress… Better to just chill in the meantime rather than going to the hospital for no major reason, and of course we will be in touch if there is any change whatsoever and into hospital should I need to.

It was my birthday in the weekend. Can’t say it was the most exciting one in history, but Roger made me a nice french toast breakie and a couple of friends popped in to see me. I had another moment of feeling sorry for myself when Roger announced he was going to duck out for a bit to the shops and I just burst into tears. I am SO housebound being on bedrest… so easy to go a little insane and get jealous of other people’s freedom (especially Rogers). But oh well, I got over it.

Anyway, Roger took some photos of me last night (when I wasn’t looking very pretty I must say) and I seriously am looking more and more whale-like and increasingly scary as time goes on. I do quite like my bump but only being jsut over 5ft the bump is rather obvious. I don’t have ribs anymore well I do, but you wouldn’t think so to look at me. The swell of my belly now starts directly under my boobs. How would it be to go full term I wonder?

All looking good – 15 weeks pregnant

Went for a check to the hospital this week to make sure the suture is in place OK and all is looking good.

I was really thankful the sonographer who was to do the ultrasound suggested that even though we were just there to check the suture we might as well take a good look at the baby first and check things are OK there. I must say this was a really nice ultrasound experience as I didn’t have all the intense emotion and sadness over losing our daughter this time. I guess it all just re-surfaced with the first ultra-sound at the hospital clinic. So it was nice to have a happy and positive ultrasound this time. I was amazed at just how much bubs has grown since we had the ultrasound 10 days ago. At that scan bubs had plenty of space and fluid around, but it was apparent at this scan the baby was so much bigger and had definitely grown to fill a lot of the space. Bubs had his/her hands up around the face area lots. Roger and I had smiles on our faces watching. The head and tummy measurement showed 15 weeks 3 days, and we were 15 weeks exactly so the size is pretty much on track. Bubs was moving about quite a lot, but we got a good look at all the major features. Of course we will have the anatomy scan at 19 or 20 weeks where all the checks will take place, and it’s too early to really know for sure if everything is OK or not. They gave us a printout of what looked like the baby waving 🙂 Very cute and reassuring!

So after they’d checked the baby they went on to do the transvaginal ultrasound to check the suture looked as though it was in place OK. What they found was that my cervix is completely closed (a good thing) and the suture looks as thought it is totally effective and in place. What the sonographer did find odd was it look liked there was part of a second suture still in place.

We had a follow-up with the Dr afterwards who kind of discounted what the sonographer had seen… implying the sonographer probably didn’t know and was likely to have got it wrong, but the Dr who did the surgery had written in his notes he had removed the first unsuccessful suture completely. Anyway, I know I am not willing to just let it go… I know Dr’s can get it wrong, and just because he has written it in his notes doesn’t mean he hasn’t accidentally missed removing something.

The main thing at the moment it is in place, so that’s good. However, I am not just going to forget this possibility there may be part of a 2nd stitch still there – as long as it doesn’t cause a problem right now that’s fine. But when it comes time to get it removed I will be sure to bring up this possibility part of something is left there as I don’t want them to leave something in accidentally.

I guess I have been through so many surgeries in my life I don’t just ‘trust’ that Doctors always get it right. I think they do their best, but they are human, and anyone can get things wrong, even if unintentionally. No big deal though, will just remember to follow-up on it. 🙂

Shall I be a guinea pig in the progesterone study?

We had our follow-up appointment at the high risk clinic on Tuesday to evaluate how the surgical suture went and just to check on things generally. All went really well, and once again we were impressed with the consultation we had with our obstetrician. She is lovely and always takes time to go over everything so thoroughly and doesn’t mind answering all my questions. She talked us through how the suture can cause my body to produce extra mucus which can continue throughout the pregnancy. According to the surgical notes the suture went well but to make doubly sure we are going back for a trans-vaginal ultrasound next week to check it. I guess they will look and make sure the stitch is still in place as it should be and will measure the length of my cervix.

Our appointment with the midwife went really well too. Just lots of common sense advice… and she encouraged me to continue to take it easy and make sure I am not stressed about work etc. which I’m not.  Oh, and the obstetrician checked the heartbeat with the doppler which took a bit of time to find, but that was good too.

They have a study currently taking place at the clinic for anyone who has had a previous pre-term labour and is currently pregnant, so of course we are eligible to take part if we want to. It’s to see if progesterone treatment (in the form of pessaries) can help with preventing premature labour. Apparently progesterone is thought to help keep the uterus relaxed and therefore less likely to contract I guess which happens when you go into labour… so that way it may prevent it from happening. We have been given some info to read which we haven’t done yet, but we will evaluate whether we think it is worth while or not. My initial reaction is that it might be worth a go since I have read some stuff on the internet about how it can help to reduce the chances of premature labour. I think in the States they give women progesterone injections to help with reducing the risks. But on the flip side because the study isn’t complete (obviously) they aren’t aware of any risks or side effects resulting from taking the progesterone pessaries but they certainly can’t rule it out. So, the question is, does the potential risk outweigh the benefits? We have a bit of time to make up our mind since they don’t normally start the treatment until 20 weeks pregnant and then it goes on until around 36 weeks I think. Of course not everyone in the study will be given the progesterone anyway, since there needs to be a control group, so it’s not to say we will definitely be getting it anyway.

(I had progesterone pessaries 3 x  per day as part of the IVF treatment after our embryo was transferred into me and we were always advised that the pregnancy rates drop off quite rapidly if the pessaries were stopped, so not to stop until they advised us to).

Hard to know what to do, but perhaps we’ll give it a bit of thought and research it for a while before coming to any conclusion… could be a good thing???

Off to hospital tomorrow

They have booked me in to get a cervical suture at the hospital tomorrow. Can’t say I’m looking forward to it, but I guess it sounds like this might be the best thing going forward to minimise the risk of going into premature labour again. The chances are 50:50 of me going into premature labour this time round so I guess anything that can be done to prevent it are worth giving a go.

The obstetrician looked up the notes from my laser cone biopsy I’d had 11 years ago and said she considered the amount of cervix I had removed to be significant. I had a bad smear which indicated there were pre-cancerous cells (Cin II) way back then, so required the laser cone biopsy to treat and remove the area of cells that weren’t looking good. I remember at the time being just given a local for the procedure (not pleasant) so was quite aware of what was happening, and remember them removing quite a cone-shaped piece. Turns out it was approx 25mm x 25mm x 25mm – a considerable amount removed according to our obstetrician.

So with the fact that I previously went into premature labour, combined with the amount of cervix I have already had removed they advised us to get a cervical suture which will aid in keeping my cervix closed should I start to go into early labour again. I am looking it as a thing that needs to be done for the greater good I guess… The alternative was just to have weekly ultrasounds to check the size of the cervix, but apparently once the cervix starts to dilate it is too late to do anything to stop it.

So I’ll be having a very early breakfast tomorrow morning (nothing allowed after 7am), then off to hospital I’ll go. I need to be there by 9am, and the procedure will be performed that afternoon. I’m a bit of a problem child when it comes to anaesthetic as I am difficult to intubate, but I’m told instead of a general anaesthetic or a spinal / epidural they will give me a sedative instead. I was initially quite surprised a cervical stitch would require such hard-core pain relief… I don’t expect it to be pleasant, but I am sure I have been through worse 🙂

I was initially quite worried about the effects the sedative will have on the baby and really don’t like the thought of it, but there is no real alternative. So I am just going with the flow. They have reassured me that they use sedatives that are the safest possible for pregnancy, so I guess I just have to trust I am in safe hands.

Depending on how things go I’ll either be let to go home later on that evening, or may be required to stay overnight. So that’s my latest. Oh, and I am 13 weeks pregnant today.

High Risk Maternity Clinic

I made the phone call today to the high risk clinic to let them know they should receive a referral for me from my current obstetrician in the next day or two. I felt I needed to pre-warn them I am already 10 weeks pregnant and will be needing to have our nuchal fold scan in two weeks time. Perhaps seems a bit pushy not waiting for them to contact me, but I had a friend who was referred to the high risk clinic at 10 weeks and by the time they processed her referral they had her scheduled for her nuchal fold scan at 14-15 weeks (which might be bordering on too late).

I was so impressed with the response from the team. I had three follow-up phone calls from them today. They hadn’t even received my referral yet, but looked up my hospital notes and read through them. It would have been mainly about my pre-term labour last year with our daughter. She lived for 35 hours. They had obviously read the notes in detail as mentioned the fact that I had no warning when I went into labour which is right. I’m told they showed my notes to a specialist in stillborn and neo-natal deaths, and came back to me with recommendations on switching to a multi-vitamin rather than high dose folic acid tablets I was currently taking and told me I needed to start taking baby aspirin immediately. They also suggested I could take an anti-nausea drug to help ease my morning sickness, but since I am pretty sensitive to even the slightest drugs at times I prefer to play it safe and just ride through it without risking any drugs. I already feel as though I am being well looked after… it’s so nice!!

Apparently I can expect to have an appointment sent to me in the next couple of days as they have already booked me in for a 12 week scan and with one of the obstetricians there. I was just so impressed with the swift response and how quickly everything has been sorted after just a short phone call this morning.

They have also advised me I will need to have an ‘internal’ examination on the same day of the 12 week scan to check the state of my cervix. In the past I have had a laser cone biopsy for treatment for pre-cancerous cells CIN II (a bad smear) so I guess I might have a slightly higher risk of this being a problem, since I have had part of my cervix removed. Apparently they will measure my cervix (oh joy, where do they keep the measuring tape), and if there is any hint of incompetence they will probably put in a surgical suture / stitch. I haven’t researched the risks involved in this procedure, but of course there are some. My obstetrician seemed to think it would be a good idea regardless if it could possibly reduce the chance of a premature birth again, so I guess I will just roll with what the experts think.

Anyway, apart from feeling sick still, I am feeling quite comforted with all the attention from the high risk clinic!

Still not out of the real danger zone yet, but certainly getting closer to it…